Hello.

Well- isn't this awkward. 

It's one in the morning and I'm still in campus. Oh no no I have no group work or anything. Just needed some time alone. How many days is it- ah yes it's the third day of doing this. Guess today I'll be returning home after the sun's up. I'm trying (try being the keyword) to do design but idk man I just don't want to. 

And for the past three days, I've been crying so hard in class that when I got home, I'd sleep like there's no tomorrow. I hate that, the sleeping part, because I have work. I know I have work to do I just have no motivation whatsoever. My parents are always on my mind, I just...what is wrong with me?

Here comes the dark part. I've been triggered recently. Luckily I didn't bring my pencil case. I've been clean for almost a year why me just listen to yourself. Some say people who tend to isolate themselves are having issues...do I have issues? I'm tired. I want to go home so bad I just want to stay there till I feel better. 

Just this week, I went to class alone. No one even cares. I spoke to people I rarely talk to. The ones I always converse acted like I'm invisible. Is it something I did? Was I never in their clique from the beginning? Was I a part of them just because my housemate is? I even have a position in the student committee because if I don't, I won't be attending the meeting as my housemate has one too. I'm determine to quit the committee. My housemate can get a ride from anyone of them who lives nearby for all I care. I told them in the first place I only wanted to watch how he meeting goes, not to be a part of it.

Only one month left I still haven't gotten any email response from companies to have my internship. I did have one interview with a firm. I knew I got rejected the way they kept saying 'we'd only take one for internship'. Again, I went there with my housemate for the reason easy to commute. Well she did found me the firm address and asked me to apply together so... Anyway I'm worried. Lecturer kept asking for the internship place already.

Final design crit is this Thursday. I'm procrastinating (as always) I always question myself nowadays am I not cut out to be an architect? Is the jerk's words becoming true? Am I never meant to be one? Years ago, this old fossil  told a friend of mine that me and my housemate aren't meant to be architects. Just because we don't mingle much with crowds and we wore hijabs (really a stupid reason if you ask me that rag). I proved him wrong when we graduated from diploma and he is now missing in action, dropped out of the program and never to be heard again. Then again, I wanted this course. I should work hard on these. I KNOW.

I think I'm over the excel-at-work-kind-of-stress. Now I've been having the idk-kind. I cry when I couldn't finish my works but I seemed to stop caring. It's bad. Should go and meet a psychiatrist or something by now...

Well that's all the rant I have for today. Ducko's asleep so couldn't complain 1-on-1 with her. Gonna surf Youtube till I vomit blood lol laters~